iExamen 2

Going into this iExamen I thought it was going to be a very simple task and I did not think I was going to make any big observations about my ways of communicating during the length of the day. I have always seen myself as a very kind person and for the most part I try to be kind to everyone, even strangers. What made me realize how challenging this iExamen was going to be was the situation I am going through in my life at the moment. I was lucky, or unlucky, depending which way you look at it to be going through some tough times with friends at the time that I did my iExamen and because of this I definitely saw how my communication differed compared to a normal day.

Recently, in my group of friends from home, we had an incident that has affected all of us greatly. It has become a big mess and now certain people are mad at others and I personally do not know where I stand with one of my best friends. Usually we are inseparable and even being at different colleges we would still talk everyday but now things have changed. The anger I had towards her had changed the way I communicated with her. For the past few days we had been saying some nasty things towards each other. Thankfully, I had the iExamen! For this day I made sure I said only things that would actually help our friendship and not hinder it. I had to put my anger aside and remember that she has been my best friend for twelve years and I needed to do what I can to fix our problems. It was tough because I was still upset and of course when you’re mad the first thing that comes to mind isn’t saying what is kind, useful, and true, for the most part it is usually the exact opposite. Fortunately, I was able to make it through the day and it actually helped us resolve many of our issues!

Aside from the change in communication to my best friend, I noticed that for the most part I did not have to change much about how I communicated with others. I have always figured that if I was kind to others, they would do the same in return. Something I did notice though, was how much “please” and “thank you” are used around the Loyola campus. Since beginning here in September I’ve realized that everyone always holds the door for others and in general everyone seems to be very kind to strangers. It almost seems as though once you become a student here, being kind to others around campus is like an instinct. I never once had to think twice about saying “please” or “thank you” to anyone and that just goes to show how welcoming our community here at Loyola is.

At the end of the day I was very happy I did this iExamen, not only did I realize something about the school as whole, but I was also able to fix the conflict I was in before the iExamen. I would recommend this iExamen to anyone who is having problems with another person! It was very useful and you can learn a lot about yourself and those surrounding you. 

iExamen 2

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say, 

Don’t Say Anything At All

     The objective of this iExamen was to only say things that were kind, useful and true for an entire day.  Throughout this exercise it was easy to determine which people in my life were sincere and good, or mean and rude.  It was reassuring that to realize that my true friends were sincere people that choose to be kind, useful and true.  Personally, people think I am 'sassy' which literally means lively, bold and full of spirit but sometimes it comes off as a little harsh. 

     My family means a lot to mean and my whole family is what people call 'sassy' with our quick quips at each other.  They are all in good nature but without knowing us personally, a stranger could think we were mean to each other.  This attitude and sense of humor carries over to my own personality so people who do not know me could think I was being rude when I make a joke.  My friends and people that understand my sense of humor realize that I am not being harsh, mean or rude because I do not mean anything bad in what I say. Focusing on what I say I had to reconsider what I said because it may not have been true or useful.  I make a lot of jokes that are extraneously and obviously not true and the only reason they are said are for a laugh.  So my jokes fail two of the three requirements and I was not my usual joking self that day. My personality may be off-putting to some people but I believe that is why and how people make the connections they do.  I would not change a thing about myself or my friends because we are all true to ourselves and others.  

     When I was asked to monitor what I said to others, I could not help but to also notice what other people were saying.  While in conversations I picked up on whether people would focus on the positive or the negative.  It was mostly the people that I would consider acquaintances instead of friends who were the most negative.  This gave me the opportunity to reevaluate who I wanted to be friends with.   Negative people can simply bring down your day and attitude towards life.  Surrounding yourself with positive attitudes and outlooks on life can rub off on you until you, yourself have a positive attitude and outlook on life.  

     This iExamen taught me a lot about nasty, rude and mean does not make you any happier than you were before.  Luckily I did not notice much change between my friends and myself, other than my jokes, but it taught me that only happy people can keep you happy.  My parents always taught me when I was little that, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” My jokes may not be truthful or useful but I know they are not mean. Sticking to this motto can not only make me happy but also the people around me. 

iExamen 2

It was the second day of spring break and I had no intentions to even think about schoolwork. I was home relaxing in the sun dreaming about only spending my days on the beach. This meant freeing my mind from all those mid terms I just had taken less than 48 hours ago. But, really and truly my mind never wanders away from school unless it’s summer. I am always thinking ahead on assignments and I did just this on Monday, March 4, 2013.

I woke up Monday morning with the idea to plan my whole day around kind thoughts, words and actions. Before even getting out of my bed that day, I had started off on the right foot. I simply picked up my phone from the dresser and sent out a text that stated “Good Morning! Have a wonderful day.” This message was sent to the most important people in my life. My parents, brother, close family members and of course my best friend. I sent it to my parents who I would end up seeing later that day just because I knew how much it would mean. The responses I got back made me think that I should do this more often. “Thanks for making my day Lauren,” my aunt replied back. “Love and miss you lots,” my brother answered right away. After getting such amazing responses I knew my day was about to go just as planned, extraordinary.  

I continued my day with a smile on my face. Got up, got dressed and hopped in my car. I took a visit over to my grandparents’ house. Two very important people in my life that I knew didn’t know how to text. Therefore, I had to give them a personal visit. I sat at the kitchen table and talked and talked to my grandmother for hours. We talked straight into lunchtime and I begged for some home cooked chicken. Giving into my plea, of course she said yes. While my grandmother started to pull out all the necessary items, I decided to role reverse this situation. I told my grandmother to have a seat right next to the kitchen and just tell me everything to do. This way, I was making lunch for her and my grandfather while they relaxed. Surprisingly, my chicken was delicious. The three of us enjoyed a nice lunch while spending quality time together. 

Lastly, I decided to visit my high school before the day was over. I wanted to see the friends I left behind and teachers too. I went from classroom to classroom saying hi to everyone I knew. Finally I reached to the senior homeroom. These were the students I were the closet too. They were the closets to my age and I had played sports with most of them last year. They informed me on all the latest news and things I’ve been missing. And although I knew college wasn’t something they wanted to talk about, I had to ask anyways. I shared my thoughts on schools and gave some advice on personal essays. The conversation went a lot further then I thought it would. The seniors had so many questions for me and I was more than happy to answer them.

After a very productive day in my hometown, I was proud of myself. I felt better as a granddaughter, friend and even a person as a whole. I had done things I had never done in my life and in less than 8 hours I felt a change. A change in myself that I knew would better me in the future. From that day on I found myself going out of my way to make others smile without even trying. It was like it came naturally. 

iExamen 2 Kyle Howard

Kyle Howard

Dr. Ellis

iExamen 2

Literature

iExamen 2

                In all honesty, I was extremely skeptical entering this assignment. I thought it was quite a difficult task to not say anything mean or false or unkind throughout the course of a day. I chose to do this assignment when I was home on break and I felt that it would give me some interesting results because I would be talking to my family. I did tell my family about the assignment and they did find it rather odd but embraced it and helped me wonderfully. The first hours in the morning were difficult but I did feel that having my family around made it easier. I guess it seemed easier because my friends would have probably gossiped about what was happening at their colleges and what not and that would have been harder to be useful. I assumed that it would be difficult to be truly nice to my brothers all day and it was. Just the way brothers act to each other is a special, and sometimes mean, bond but I liked that the assignment wasn’t easy. Having my brothers tease me and joke around with me all day made it much harder but it also made it quite comical. I couldn’t help but notice how often I needed to just laugh things off instead of joking back. I also thought it was funny that I kept my control all day and I am the youngest of three brothers. (I guess it’s funny and a little sad). Overall this assignment made me realize that people are naturally a little mean every once in a while and also that people gossip about others extremely often. I am glad that I had the opportunity to take part in this assignment because since I observed myself I have definitely been a nicer person to others and I really do view myself as being more useful to others. On a final note, I now believe that the harder one works to be nicer the more they notice the little mean things that most people do on an everyday basis. 

A day in the Sarcastic Life of Rachel

When approached with the task of observing myself and my communications for a day, I thought the task itself was simple, but the follow through would not be as easy. I was correct. Saying things that are only true, kind and honest is not any easy thing to do. People and things happen that make us upset or angry and naturally we want to verbally respond. I am naturally a very sarcastic person, and often times I utter witty, hilarious responses without thinking twice. They aren’t mean spirited and are not meant to hurt people’s feelings and I usually say them to my friends. When observing the way I communicate, I became hyper aware of these comments and I tried my best to limit them, only uttering perhaps two or three throughout the entire day, which is a big deal for me.

There were also many times when I kept comments to myself. There were a lot of rude people I interacted with, and I had to keep my opinions about their actions to myself. I also had to refrain from commenting on outfits I didn’t approve of. That was a little tough, because some people just don’t dress very well. Why would you ever wear toe socks with birkenstocks? For God’s Sake and the sake of our children, WHY. But I refrained. I didn’t tweet this atrocity against mankind and I didn’t say anything bad about him. I kept my thoughts to myself.

Being kind and honest on social media was not as difficult. Apart from not tweeting about that guys outfit, I am generally not malicious on the internet. I understand that what you put on the internet is forever and I really dislike when people bash each other and famous people on the internet, it is unnecessary and it’s also cyber bullying. On Facebook I posted a funny video involving Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon so others could laugh and enjoy the video as well. On twitter, I tweeted about the new pope and running into my friend on the elevator this morning and how it made me happy. I texted a few people today, but all kind and/or useful things. Like when my friend wanted to get dinner and I texted a different friend who attended University of Massachusetts hoping to lift her spirits after a bad day. I sent various other texts throughout the day, but the majority of them were information based.

I also wrote five letters today and mailed them out, literally all over the world. I wrote my sister a letter about my spring break and stuffed the letter with two Dove chocolate wrappers with little quotes like “Do something for yourself today” and “Smile more.” My sister is currently studying abroad in London, England and having the time of her life. We often text and talk on facebook, but there is something special about letters. Last semester when we were both in America, we mailed a notebook back and forth writing little funny stories that happened and adding magazine cut outs and other doodles. Letters are our cheap version of a notebook for this semester. I sent four other letters today. One to a friend at Philadelphia University, one to a friend at St. Lawrence University and one to my friend at University of Massachusetts. They entailed of little, inspirational quotes and well wishes. My final letter was a thank you note to the grandmother of my friend with whom I spent spring break. She was so kind and welcoming, and I wanted to express my gratitude towards her hospitality. Writing letter to friends and family is a simple way to spread joy and kindness with each other, and it is a method I personally enjoy.

While at the FAC I shared a friendly hello with the desk assistant, I waved to friends as a walked to and from class as well. I got to see a friend for the first time since we returned from break and we hugged and were able to catch up for a few minutes and that was a conversation that made my day better. Another conversation that made my day better was a lovely conversation I shared with a stranger in the elevator in Maryland. He was bright and cheering as he asked me how I was and what floor I was going too. He also agreed with me that ten in the morning is too early to walk up any more than one flight of stairs.

I struggled while watching The Life of Mammals with my roommate. During that show she often likes to do impersonations of the animals featured on the show. Today, she impersonated an elephant, a dik dik and a giraffe. On a normal day, I would mock her and her silly impersonations. But today, I restrained myself and patted her knee while saying, “good try.”  This made her laugh because she of course knows my typical response to her ridiculous impersonations.

The rest of my daily communication was pretty generic. Answering questions in class. Sharing a kind-hearted laugh with friends. Nothing too out of the ordinary. I spoke with a peer as I bought a Relay for Life tee shirt. I shared conversation with the people who prepared and sold food to me today as well. I spent a good portion of my day discussing my day with friends. I feel like some of my conversation may not have been necessarily useful to my friends, but it was meaningful and because they’re my friends, they cared about what I had to say and I cared about hearing how their days passed. Having people to debrief to is an amazing gift.

I was reminded of my sarcastic nature today. I enjoy my witty comments that induce laughter as long as they are not hurtful to others. I was made aware of the fact that I will survive if I don’t tweet about what strangers wear and that I generally am a good communicator. I didn’t feel very restricted in my communications either. I did experience laughter from friends when they could tell I was itching to be sarcastic or comment on something they had said that was unkind. Some friends tried to provoke me, but I remained strong while actively thinking about what I said. It was enlightening to see how much of what we say isn’t useful, but said to fill time and space, yet we often care about what is being said, because of who says it.

iExamen 2

The assignment was again simple enough for the iexamen, building off the idea of the first iexamen we were told to perform self-observation regard to communication during the course of a day, from waking up to returning to bed that evening; or in the early hours of the following day.  This time, however, we were not only to catalogue & observe ourselves but to change our behavior, if necessary, to only “say only what is kind, useful, and true”. 

Going into it I was curious to how I would react to the assignment, since within the field of psychology that an individual can and will change their behavior to meet with the social norms.  Starting the day I didn’t think that peoples’ behavior would be drastically changed as most people are in tuned with their actions & are not motivated by being unkind to others.  I figured that like the prior exercise I would be more conscious of how I acted and reacted in situations but my actions would not be effected or changed by the need to only be kind and productive. 

I guess performing the assignment and reacting to how I acted as a result were indistinguishable as during the day I acted and reacted to what I just did and altered my behavior based on such analysis of my actions.  Let’s jump into the day, I chose Saturday because of the lack of classes & relaxed environment, with breakfast.  My roommates and I were eating our own breakfasts at the table and my roommate curiously picked up the instructions and examined what was written & chuckled to himself.  Naturally this brought the others attention to it & everyone then took their turn reading it and giving their personal opinions of it.  After a good laugh from my roommates they asked if I was even going to talk at all during the day.  unfortunately sarcasm is considered “not kind” by most.  Instead I issued the challenge of having the whole room partake in the exercise, much to they’re annoyance they all eventually agreed. 

The remainder of the day went about between our usual joking demeanor towards each other and extended silence as anyone else came into the apartment not knowing the circumstances.  Gaming was a poor choice as per usual we chose a random game that naturally one of us amazing at and the rest were average to dismal.  Shockingly this lead to much anger and rage-quitting till it ultimately ended up with only one of us remaining.  So sarcasm emerged as the loophole and most of my roommates gave up after a few hours. 

Mangione iExamen 2

iExamen 2

            My first thoughts going into this second iExamen concerned the simplicity and undemanding nature of the assignment.  I assumed I would not need to think much about changing the way I carry myself throughout the day by my actions and words towards others, but boy was I wrong. 

I consider myself an easy guy to get along with.  For the most part, I’m pretty straightforward and easy to talk to; my actions are generally kind and I act in the interests of others.  For example, I like to give advice to people when they’re in need of it and I easily recognize when someone is having a bad day, so I’ll acknowledge it and hopes of comforting them.  I throw out “please” and “thank you” to almost everyone I encounter, in the attempt of demonstrating the few facts of courtesy and politeness I earned from my parents.  I am also the type of person who always looks behind me when reaching a door so I can hold it open for anyone who might be following close behind.  It was for these reasons that I thought the traits of doing what is only kind and useful would prove easy during the span of this assignment.  However, the act of doing what is only true proved to be the challenge during the day.

Throughout the day, when in communication with a friend by computer, phone, or face-to-face, I found my joking humor to be the hardest part of being honest with someone.  I often found myself conversing normally with my friends when I’ll say something ridiculous to make a good story or to joke around.  But in the middle of joking around, I would stop myself in the middle of the joke and delay the large period of time I usually take to carry out my jokes.  My intent sometimes is to frustrate my friends with the bizarre and spontaneous things I say in hopes of originating the idea that they could have used their time more productively – but I do it in a way where it was entertaining and comical.  Catching myself from falling into these drawn-out fibs caught most of the improvement I needed to make to complete the assignment.

I realized during this iExamen I could still maintain my witty personality, even if this means revealing the truth on a small subject quicker rather than stretching the truth to make the story more droll.  In this sense, both my friend and me would benefit by making talk less complicated and by saving our times from long needless conversation. 

The odd part of the assignment with all this in mind though was the slight alter in personality this made me confront.  I found my conservations becoming briefer while trying to do things of kindness and honesty.  I would try to cease with people’s demands more readily than trying to argue in an attempt to save my own time on a pointless favor.  In this fashion I believe I found myself acting with too much properness, as if it almost appeared that my sincerity was false, but this was never the case. 

I’m certain this assignment will have a lasting effect on the way I carry myself in the future.  It’s not that I found my humor unnecessary and in need of change, but I decided I could display my humor to a less extent so it doesn’t get too excessive, an easy act I find myself doing.  This day proved to be insightful for me and the people I conversed with; for instance, when I relayed the assignment I was engaging in to a few of my friends.  They initially believed it was a strange assignment to receive, since doing kind, useful, and true things seem part of everyone’s nature, yet when closely followed, are more difficult than you could imagine.